Friday, July 16, 2010

Twilight Saga: Eclipse Review.

If you want to read a much smaller and 100000000 x funnier review, please click HERE and don't forget to pee before you read. If you want to suffer through all my nonsense, then welcome.

Oh my Edward! This will be the longest, boringest-est, pointless, spoiler-full movie review evah!! So, where do I start? The beginning I guess.. xD!

Okay.... rain dripping on a glass and the Summit logo appearing.... I dunno about the rest of the Twilighters, but that logo in it's various renderings makes me giddy and nervous, like seeing the waitress at a restaurant step out of the kitchen with your order when you are starving to death. Anticipation I guess, "Chop and Change" by the Black Keys as an opening. WHOAAA!!! I'm SO EXCITED ALREADY!!! I've been listening to the soundtrack for weeks, this song is in my top 3!!!! OME OME OME OME OME!! Here we go!!!!

Artist Impression. LOL.

Riley being scared, attacked and bitten. His screams really gave me chills. Eclipse Logo. Elegant and dynamic. Heart it.

Edward and Bella making out/talking in the meadow..... ummm.... yeah, okay, I get it, clarifying that she said NO to marriage n' stuff since we didn't get to see that in NM (Why didn't we btw? That was stupid, it would have been MORE of a cliffhanger had we heard a distant "NO"). Even though I was enjoying some of the kissing, this scene felt kind of long. And enter sparkly Edward. I've spoken before about my preference for "Twilight" sparkles since they do reflect the rainbow (might sound gay, but that's the way they are) and we get the light-emitting sparkles from New Moon. DO NOT LIKE, but I'll survive. Bella gets up and leaves... why was I staring at her ass?? HER ASS!!! *shiver*

Wait.. I'm barely starting and I'm already too specific...

Charlie and Bella talking. It's pretty sweet, I can feel Charlie's conflict with Edward and all that. Bella goes to her room and sees the letter from Jake... and as Michael Buckley from "What the Buck"'s review said: "Jacob writes like a girl!!" ... and yes, that letter is totes girl writing! Does my beloved TayTay really write like that?? If so I love him more, if it wasn't Tay, they should've chosen a dirtier handwriting, like what we see in the book. That's just one of the tiny details only a Twihard would focus on....yes, my life sucks, can we move on now?

OHhh and, we don't get to see much of Bella's room, but I love how they keep the details!! See the MonteCarlo poster and the Prom night photo?.... FROM TWILIGHT! The first one! Some pics of Edward and Alice, a Debussy flyer which is an Ed/Bella thing and of course, the now iconic wolf painting is still there. Even though this room and this set is a completely different one they keep it surprisingly consistent.

Moving on.

I can't remember EXACTLY what scene is next, but I'll jump to Renee and Bella in Jacksonville. I imagined this scene to be a bit funny, you know, mom and girl tanning at the beach, cut to Edward completely bored looking out the window... Lawl. XD! "The way he looks at you" line *standing ovation* YES! ... And then, the first WTF moment: What the eeeffffffffff was all that quilt stuff?! A bonding mother-daughter moment?? Unnecessary.

David: "And here you'll open a graduation
 present, a jersey quilt! "
Kristen: LOLz 'kay :B

While they're at Renee's, the Cullen and Quileutes are hunting down Victoria. Some action! YAY! This is what we saw over and over in the previews and the behind the scenes, but much darker and I don't mean the tone of the movie I mean the hue. Why'd they make it so dark?... Oh right. Night-time. I loved it but I could hardly see anything! U.U...

Change scene and we get to see Jacob in all his panty-creaming hawtness... GOD he is so gorgeous! He's a GOD! TAYTAAAAAYYYY!!!! Look at that shirt!! I saw an interview with the costume designer who said she had made the sleeves tighter to make Jacob seem buffer... I say: This woman deserves the Oscar for best costume design just for that piece of fan-service. I love the way they played with the volume of "A Million miles an Hour" by Eastern Conference Champions when we see Jake.... B.A.D.A.S.S.!!! I think David is either Team Jacob or has a guy-crush on TayTay, it's sweet! I hope that doesn't offend him, that's just the impression I got after all this AWESOME Jacob scene (and the behind the scenes Tay snaps he stole).

David: "OMG soHawt!" *snap*

Some stuff with the pack, we see Leah, we don't get to see Seth yet, we get the imprinting explanation. I just got a little lost on HOW they began on that topic, they were slurring the words, I have no idea how but suddenly they were talking about Sam and Em...

Anyway, Riley in Bella's room. I was SO sure it was Edward at first until he lifted up his evil little finger. EVIL EVIL EVIL!!!! I was kind of disappointed that we didn't get the nose flare and "give me a minute" line as he suddenly dissapears. I LOVED that part in the book, his second-long quick investigation through the house looking for signs of the intruder. AWw... :( Cut scene, and we're at the Cullen house... Okay, gimme a moment here......*breathe in, breathe out*.... WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!

This pic is the house in Oregon they used for Twilight. I dunno if they used the same house or built a new one but it's definitely not the same one from New Moon, but they did this kind of BLENDING in of both houses, the feel and color palette from NM but the physical architecture of Twl... Dunno HOW the did it but it was an INCREDIBLE way of tying them together!! God, I'm loving this so much!! Cullen house FTW!!

Ok, so they talk about the newborns, Jake goes to Bella's, they start doing the exchange Bella thing, etc. WE FFFFFFFFFFFFInally get to see Seth, I think BooBoo Stewart is just the sweetest little thing and I've been waiting to "meet" him. This is a pic he posted on his twitter getting his hair styled as Seth Clearwater. Sadly we only get about 30 seconds of Seth. AWw BooBoo...

Quileute story time!! Am I the only one who thinks the extras hired for these flashback (both Twilight and Eclipse) are a lot more native looking than the actual wolves? THE EXTRAS for crying out loud!... All actors are adorable, we've been following for more than a year with all the conventions and stuff, but still, they don't look native. So, the story of the third wife and all... Glad they made it short and right to the point.

Okay so I'm going to just jump ahead a little bit, the whole scene in the bedroom and blah blah blah.. at this point I'm getting really distracted with al the close-ups, since I already analyzed all their pores, the wig line, the contacts, the side burns, the teeth, I start to look at the unfocused edges of the scene... I feel a wee bit claustrophobic and wanting some air.

So Bells and Jake take a walk and he tells her his in love, force kisses her and she punches him, bringing us to our second WTF moment. The sound effect. I know it's supposed to sound like someone punching a wall or something really hard, but it was a strange muffled sound with did not sound natural at all. Not that punching a werewolf is natural in the first place XD. But here comes m biggest issue in the movie: The confrontation.

I dunno about the rest of the Twilighters, but in this part of the book I was both excited, nervous and CRACKING UP!!!!! This scene was SO funny to me!! Like, Jake's totally relaxed when they arrive at Charlie's, the "Good for you kid!" line, Jake's nonchalant attitude when Eddie arrives, Edward's contained jealousy, “Is the dog still there?” line, “Why don’t you arrest me, Dad? I’m the one throwing punches!” ... HAHAHAHHAHAhahahahahahahaha!!!! AAAhhh, that was the funniest part of the book, and in the movie it was so... like... aggressive it felt awkward. I was just cracking up anyway but I did miss all those epic lines. Bummer XD!

Rosalie's flashback. It was short and to the point as well, it was cool that they left that final image of her in her wedding dress, but I heard they filmed a scene where she is floaing in the hallway... WHY!?!?!? WHY CUT THAT OUT?!?! I would've been creepy/exciting!!! Bummer again. Next, graduation partay. Srsly? THAT's where you put a MUSE a song?? FAIL!! Anyway, discussion about the newborns and they arrange a meeting to train in the woods.

The training scene is full of pure concentrated sparkling WIN!! Strangely, I liked it more because of the music. Of course the action got me excited, but the way the music added to it is hard to describe. "With you in my Head" by UNKLE is my second fave song and the way it's edited here is just sooo wonderful!! This is my feeling:

The pearls are the movie and the ribbon the music... the way they made the music come and go with the action, foreground, background, it disappears behind some scenes, comes back, sometimes the it's just the voice, sometimes a small pause... AAAGGHHH!!!!! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT!!! IT WAS JUST SUUCCCH an amazing experience!!! Hope the picture helps XDDD!!! (necklace can be found HERE BTW) I must however point out that the reason why the Volturi want Edward is his ability to read minds and therefore anticipate any move the opponent might make, so Carlisle grounding Edward isn't plausible move, plus, where's the vampire speed? I mean, I know it should be slowed down for the human spectator to see anything, Chris did a cool job of accelerating and slowing it down to convey the velocity in NM, I kind of missed that, but the entire scene itself did CRACK ME UP and surprised me! Jasper looked HAWT and, well, like a General, his whole stance and presence really reflected his state of mind. Bella's wig here is full of fail. Up to this point I was looking for flaws in the wig and pleasantly surprised that it wasn't as obvious as I thought it was going to be, just tiny scenes here and there, it mostly looked fine.

Wolves!!! We finally get a better look at the pack! Well, kinda sorta. I definitely needed to watch the following video a few times before watching the actual movie:

And of course the most beautiful part was wolf-Jake and Bella talking. It was so beautiful!! This might sound stupid but I cried! Yeah, 'cause I'm stupid like that. Such an intimate -and realistic- moment.

AAAAWwwwww...!!!! x333

Okay. Jasper flashback was cool. Skim through stuff, skim through stuff, skim through stuff. And now I have a bone to pick with David Slade: he tweeted about TayTay carrying Kristen all day(he loves Jake/Taylor I tell you!!!)... Jake carrying Bella... TWICE and you couldn't play my fave song "Heavy in your Arms" by Florence & the Machine?! SRSLY!?!! OMGG that song was just SOOOOOO perfect, I know the paces of the video and the song are different but maybe a little slow mo of him running... I DUNNOOOOOO BUT HOW COULD YOU NOT USE IT!? HOOOOWWW COULD YOUUUU!?!? *imaginarily bangs on David's chest with closed fists* AAAAAaaarrrrggghhhhh!!!! *bawls* *softly sings to self* Who is the betrayer, who's the killer in the crowd? The one who creeps in corridors and doesn't make a sound...

AAAAAAaahhhhh!!!! NOOOOOEEEESSSSS Heartbrokeeeennnn!!!

Okay I'm done.

The talk!! HAHAHhahaha!! The talk was just so well, uncomfortable. XD
Now, bedroom scene. Well, first I need to point out the accuracy of Edward's bedroom... again.

Obviously there are some changes with the SIZE of the bedroom, but the bookshelves are there, the old record player next to the window, some of the LPs , and the white divan couch with the black throw... and of course, we have our yummehlicious golden duvet. THE GOLDEN DUVET!!!!!!!!!! I'm already giddy again!!! OMG YES!!! LEG HITCH!! OME the HOT HOT HOT KISSING!! OME OME OME OME!!! The proposal, which I totally agree with NOT actually seeing him on his knee, the way the camera points down on Ed and front to Bella spoke more than a thousand words. Ohhh and I almost forgot!! "My love" by Sia was just ABSOLUTELY perfect. Also paying with the "necklace" effect I spoke of before, the music coming and going as the scene progresses. This scene needs an Oscar too, as the hottest NON-SEXUAL performance EVAh! DO they give out that one? They should.

I'm not sure again of exactly what scene is next, but I remember the Victoria-Riley love scene ("Rolling In On A Burning Tire" by The Dead Weather playing in the bg) and I thought: "Didn't Stephenie write a book specifically for this movie?? HOW COULD THEY MISS THE TINGLING BRUSHING KISSING SOUNDS?!!?" .... Srsly, only a looser of my magnitude would focus on that but I wanted to hear it and it never happened... same when Alice and Jasper's kiss during the training scene, no vampire kissing sound. Bleh....

Next, there was new opportunity to plug in "Heavy in your Arms" as they carry out the "Newborn distraction" plan and Jake carries Bella again. AAAHHHH!!!! It's the heartbreak all over again! *shrug* So we finally get to the tent scene. Ahhh the TENT SCENE!


Well, what can I say of this particular passage that hasn't been said before. Very close to the book and you can feel the tension and then the relaxation of the boys. Of course for me it was just OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG TAY TAYS BODY!! OMG TAY TAY'S CHEST!! OMG OMG OMG NIPPLESSS!!! But yeah, a fan favorite scene generally speaking. It would've been fun to watch Eddie violently waking up Jake but it wasn't so important. The next day, battle day, we see little Seth. Cutie cutie pie! --- Skimming skimming skimming--- JACOB-BELLA KISS!!!!! Was it just me or was this the most epic kiss in the whole series -so far-!?! MY GOD!! WHAT A KISS!! And that scenery! WOW!!! David is TOTES team Jacob giving him a kiss like this in the movie. Whoaa!!!! I can almost taste those lips... AAGGGhhhhh!!! Mr. Lautner, sir, you drive me crazy.

This doesn't come out in the movie but I love the pic, very wolf-ish...

The battle, the moment we have been preparing for. Well, we got some of that much promised violence and action, I had fun watching how they got broken, EXCELLENT!! Just as we imagined it, rough and brutal, I'm STILL missing the vampire superspeed but at this point I just wanna see some newborns get crushed!!!! CRUSH 'EM ALL!!!! *evil laugh*. I love that we can see some sparkles here and there, more would have been better but I'm so excited I forget about it soon. The FX are awesome! Here are some behind the scenes of the fight, pretty interesting stuff, lots and lots of work.

And then the Victoria-Riley/Seth-Edward fight scene. Some more Epicness!! Whee!! Riley looses a hand!! OOOHHH!!! MOAR!!! MOARRRRRRRRR!!!!! Oh yeah, when Victoria is about to run again and Edward yells that she won't have another opportunity like this, she turns around and is PISSED. Too long I stared at her angry face... srsly it was like 10 seconds of Victoria's face. WTF! Anyway, PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH!! SWOOSH! CROUCH!! GRAB!! PUNCH!! SETH!! RAAWRRRRR!!! BATTLE BATLLE BATTLE!! PUNCH PUNCH PUNCH!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!

Bella cuts herself!!!! I've never been too clear about this, does she really cut herself in the book? Wait--Let me re-read that:

"They needed help. A distraction. Something to give them an edge. My hand gripped the stone spike so tightly that a support in the brace snapped. Was I strong enough? Was I brave enough? How hard could I shove the rough stone into my body? Would this buy Seth enough time to get back on his feet? Would he heal fast enough for my sacrifice to do him any good?

I raked the point of the shard up my arm, yanking my thick sweater back to expose the skin, and then pressed the sharp tip to the crease at my elbow. I already had a long scar there from my last birthday. That night, my flowing blood had been enough to catch every vampire’s attention, to freeze them all in place for an instant. I prayed it would work that way again. I steeled myself and sucked in one deep breath. Victoria was distracted by the sound of my gasp. Her eyes, holding still for one tiny portion of a second, met mine. Fury and curiosity mingled strangely in her expression."

So, she was just about to cut herself and in order to gather courage, she gasped and THAT's what distracted Victoria, correct? I mean, that's what I was getting from that paragraph and I always remembered that she HADN'T cut herself. So watching her do it in the movie was EPIC! I was actually PROUD of Bella!! I was like: WHOA!!!! SHE DID IT!!!! O.O!!!! Then Edward bit Victoria's neck off. Is it okay to say that a LOVED that??! I mean, killing isn't nice, but BITCH HAD IT COMING!! It was soooo... POWERFUL! GO EDDIE!!!!!!!!!! :O!!

Scene at the clearing, Jacob gets hurt and HELLOOOOooo NAKED JACOB!!!!!!!! YES I SCREAMED!!! AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Volturi arrive, do their threat thing, we see that very teeny tiny reference to "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner" where Edward read Bree's mind and insinuates to Jane that he knows what's going on. Felix kills poor Bree, her screams were spine chilling. The Volturi leave.

And so we get to Jake's house. Now HIS screams.... his screams made me want to cry!! Poor poor Jacob. He sweaty and in pain and just waiting to get all the breaking done in one shot. AAAAaawwwwwwww.... okay fine, I cried just a little bit. ONE TEAR. T.T

And then we close again at the meadow scene with one last WTF moment: What the EFF was up with that speech? That the choice was between the Bella she is and the one she want to be jabber jabber jabber jabber.... ummmmm.. NO! just.... NO. Way to ruin the epic finale. And I missed Jacob running off at the end. U.U

-This movie is almost completely a transcript from the book minus the boring stuff. Good job Melissa, stick to the book , stick to the book.

-Excellent direction, all the actors improved their prefomance, Kristen wasn't as annoying as the first two movies, Rob excelled as Eddie (as usual) and Taylor IS Jacob, so, that was awesome too... We get a lot more from the rest of the cast so, YAY! A complete serving of veggies!! (pun intended).

-Lotsa fan service. Srlsy there are some details they missed but we did get some stuff, Alice's yellow porshe, Meadow scenes, lotsa shirtless Jake...I mean, it was such a orgy of Twilight epicness!!!

-Mostly the hair styling was bad. All the vampires were WEIRD. Kristen's wig was tame in comparison to what I thought it was going to look like, but still kinda weird... and Eddie's style.. OMG NOOOO... see, in Twilight, he opted for the "James Dean" hottie/stud look, and this is how Eddies hair is described,


but then in Eclipse....

I know it rains a lot in Forks but this in INEXCUSABLE!!!! Dx  Just 'cause your hawt, doens't give you a reason to let all the pretense go to hell!! "Take care of that" - Lol.

Anyway, there are MORE ups and downs which I will address after I see it a fifth time and analyze it again. :B

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